Q: I am 30 years old and have been married for 2 years. My husband and I want to have children and yet we also would like to continue to enjoy our 'honeymoon' phase. We are now in a dilemma. We would like to continue with our current lifestyle and yet we do not wish to be in our fifties when our kids are still young. What do you advise?

Agnes

A: I understand the concerns that both of you have. There will be unavoidable changes to your current lifestyle once you start a family but the ‘sacrifices’ you have to make will more than be made up for when you see baby’s first smile, hear the first ‘mama’ or ‘dada’, etc.

I cannot make the decision for you but I can inform you of some factors that you should include in your decision-making process. One is the fact that conception is not on demand. There are couples who find themselves unable to conceive as ‘planned’ and in some instances, the situation is for life. There are various reasons why people end up being unsuccessful in conception and one of them is the fact that fertility decreases with age. Age also signals higher risks and complications in conception as well as pregnancy.

In addition to these, you may also have some worries about whether you are ready for parenthood. Well, ask any parent and you will be told that there is no such thing as being ‘prepared enough’. One way to beef up in this area though is to read relevant books and even attend some parenting talks or courses. You may also visit marriagecentral.sg for more details of similar resources.

To end, I just want to point out that often we look back on life and wonder why we missed out on some things. What we should thus do is to look at every situation and ask ourselves: will I regret missing this later in life? Hopefully the answer you give is the answer you have been looking for.

Question is answered by TOUCH Family Services’ counsellors and marriage preparation course instructors. Name of individual had been changed for privacy.